Day 7 is harded than i tot

here i am crying in front of my lappy,thinking of ayah.. i'm like a duck in e calm waters.. relax & calm above water but legs struggling to stay afloat.. i'm fine at work or wif frenz around but e reality hit me wen i'm alone.. its hard.. damn hard.. my heart aches.. very very much... i guess its ok to grieve once in a while.. e passing of a distant relative,sumtimes u can forget.. but e fact dat i wun see my dearest dad ever again, it stung like a bee through my heart.. i try to be strong in front of people cos i hate to show negative emotions but seriously, it pains me to show dat i'm strong.. its worst wen i hear e festive songs cos i seriously dun feel like celebrating.. i haven even go to e bazaar or bought a costume yet..

a few frenz asked me if i regret for not talking to ayah for 2 yrs.. yes i do.. its called ego.. but wat can i do now? he's gone.. but i shall remember my good times wif him before tis 2 yrs.. i lurve him dearly so much so i tot i wud be betraying him if i called my step dad,bapak.. since young, i haf been e 1 diligently going to his house,calling & talking to him.. he's e one who taught me & my sis to sing "ooo, begini rasa.. hatiku sengsara..." old song dat he lurve so much dat he wud record on his cassette tape recorder everytime we sing it.. & he wud play it over & over again wen we go over his place.. a lot more memories in which i remembered dat he never lay a finger on us, never raise his voice.. he is dat caring & loving & forgiving.. so i'm sure wherever his soul is resting, he wud forgive me for all e mistakes dat i've done..

life have to move on, i noe.. so i shall try to as happy as i can be ok.. i can do it.. i noe i can & i will..

Ayah, aliz sayang ayah & aliz akan slalu doakan ayah.. Al-Fatihah..


... juz becos u read about me doesn't mean u noe me ...