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everytime i wana blog about sumthing, my heart juz sank.. e heartache on e day ayah went away came back.. i dunno y but it hurts e same as day 1.. but wen i'm around frenz, i'm a normal,laughing, joking & smiley aliz.. at work is where u can meet e 'noproblem' aliz.. but i am strong.. dat is wat i tell myself everytime tears start forming in my eyes..
i keep myself busy by watching lots tv, talking on e phone, surfing e net, going out wif frenz.. cos i noe ayah will feel e pain if i cry.. so ayah, forgive me if i caused u hurt..

on a ligter note, i did wat i wanted a looong time ago.. i din do it bcos of mama back den.. but thinking of how i put ayah in pain while being in e hospital, being poked countless times by those big needles on his arms & leg, i did it anyway.. i confessed to mama after 2 days of hiding it from her.. she was mad.. i can see it from her facial expression but she was quite cool about it.. after a few mins of babbling, she talked to me like normal.. i noe i've hurt her feelings by doing it but i hope she understands.. she doesnt noe y i did it.. i told her i will take it out 1 day but not now.. so now, everytime i accidently hit it, it reminded me of ayah's pain.. i'm sorry ayah if i caused u a lot of pain before u passed on..

dunno y i logged in in e 1s place.. think i wanted to blog about sumthing else but i kinda forgot.. nvr mind.. if i remember, i will it on e next post.. niwae, Hari Raya is coming soon.. i never buy any new baju kurung so i'm using laz yr's.. luckily,mama nvr scold me for not buying.. in fact,i think she understands.. i sooo do not wan to hear e Takbir raya.. but i'm working morning on e eve so i will be at home.. i hope i wun cry den.. but to all, Selamat Hari Raya.. it is afterall, a celebration for all after having fast for a mth.. a celebration for all to be merry wif families & frenz.. for me, i wun get to ask for forgiveness from ayah which i've planned to reconcile wif him tis yr.. but wat to do? all i can say is dat i'm filled wif regret..

... juz becos u read about me doesn't mean u noe me ...